


Real People Sex

by Dolimir



Category: Smallville
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-16
Updated: 2011-06-16
Packaged: 2017-10-20 11:20:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/212223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dolimir/pseuds/Dolimir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not what you think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Real People Sex

After a long night of flying patrol, Clark made one last pass downtown and was surprised to find Lex Luthor standing on the roof of the Daily Planet. He scanned Luthor before he landed and was surprised to find him clean – no Kryptonite or doomsday devices up his sleeves.

“Luthor!”

Lex turned, a smile on his face. “Was that a greeting or an accusation?”

Clark bit the inside of his cheek in order to prevent his sigh from escaping. “What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you. Obviously.”

“Why?”

Lex’s gaze drifted down Clark’s body and back up to his face. “I can definitely see it,” he muttered more to himself than to Clark.

If Clark hadn’t of had super-hearing, he would have missed the comment. But having heard it, he felt unexpectedly exposed. “See what?”

“Have you ever considered that our encounters aren’t as private as we think they are --what with telephoto lens and surveillance devices?”

Clark was surprised by the non sequitur. “So?”

Lex’s smile grew even wider. “Are you aware that there is a significant portion of your adoring fans who think we’re doing it?”

“Doing what?”

“Fucking.”

“What? They do not!”

“They do. They even have names for it.”

Clark’s head felt as if he were walking on the bottom of the ocean. “Names? As in plural?”

“Yes. I was rather surprised myself. One faction calls it KElex and the other calls it Slex. Personally, I don’t know what’s wrong with just Sex, but that’s just me, I suppose.”

“You’re making this up!”

“Even I’m not that warped.”

“I…what…that is…”

“They call it Real Person Sex.”

“As opposed to--”

“Hell if I know. Dead People Sex.”

“What?”

“Actually, as opposed to fan fiction or make believe sex.” Lex looked a little uncomfortable. “Apparently, I’m what’s called a little black dress.”

“They make you a cross-dresser?”

“No! But they apparently have everyone in the Justice League trying to reform me. They have Bex, Flex and Glex.”

“Bex? Batman?? Oh my God!”

“And for those who like het, there’s Hex and Wex. Apparently, I get to teach the girls how to be bad in those stories.”

“You know, if they ever heard you call them girls, they’d tie you up in a knot.”

“Hm. Kinky. But it could be fun.”

Clark shook his head to clear his thoughts. “So why are you here again?”

Lex’s smile turned lascivious. “I just wanted an opportunity to check you out without other things distracting me.”

“Distracting you? You mean like laser canons and weather control devices?”

Lex smirked as he turned toward the stairwell door.

Remembering Lex’s earlier whispered words, Clark started. “You…you said you could see it.”

“So I did.” Lex didn’t stop walking.

“You said definitely!” Clark shouted after him.

Lex pulled open the door and looked back at him. “What’s your point?”

Clark gaped at him as he disappeared. Surely, people didn’t… But even as he tried to deny such a thing was possible, he remembered how Lex used to look at him right after they met, how his heart used to stutter when Lex violated his personal space.

Shivering, he superspeeded home. He needed to Google examples of exactly what Lex was talking about and then figure out just what exactly he was going to do about this latest twist in their ongoing relationship because there was no way in hell he was giving Bruce first shot at Lex. Not after years of foreplay.


End file.
